Communication in Relationships - How Your Values Help

Values in Relationships: How Values Support Communication in Relationships

Our values affect the foundations of our relationships and in particular, of our healthy, consciously-led relationships.

Values can be a support in new relationships or those going through challenging times, when sometimes it may feel difficult to reconcile differences and navigate emotional difficulties that affect our ability to communicate.

Traumatic experiences in previous relationships can hugely affect new relationships, because we carry those patterns, expectations and fears from our previous ones.

Why do we carry these patterns?

We know that our earliest relationships create our ‘attachment style’ – how as infants we bond, start relationships and end relationships.  This happens unconsciously, and can have very difficult consequences.  However, if, as adults, we understand what’s really important to us, we can use our values as a support, a base-level, of how we want our relationships to look and feel.

 Values influence how we communicate, resolve conflicts, and connect with others. When partners share similar values, they are the basis to building stronger, more resilient relationships based on common understanding about the direction of the relationship, life in general and how these plans are created and followed.

However, even when values differ, understanding and respecting each other’s personal values can enhance communication and deepen connection through this mutual respect. In this case, partners are more open to creating life plans which take each other’s values and views into consideration.

As a somatic therapist, I encourage clients to explore their values and discuss them openly with their partners.

Identifying Relationship Values

 To strengthen our relationship, we can start by identifying both your own values and those of your partner. Reflect on what matters most to you in a relationship—eg. trust, respect, adventure, or stability. Encourage your partner to do the same, and then discuss your lists.

 Your values may be similar or different  but still resonate with the other as important features of a relationship.

 If they are vastly different, an interesting exercise would be to ask and answer questions about where these particular values come from and why they are so important.

 This exercise not only enhances self-awareness but also fosters empathy and understanding between partners.

Values into Communication

 Once you understand each other’s values, use them to guide your communication. For instance, if honesty is a shared value, commit to open and transparent communication, even when it’s uncomfortable. If empathy is important, practice active listening and validate each other’s feelings. Aligning your communication style with your values helps build trust and reduces misunderstandings.

 In Conflict & Resolution

 Shared values act as a common ground, strengthening your emotional bond. When challenges arise, return to these values as a source of strength and guidance. For example, if both partners value open-mindedness, they can view conflicts as opportunities for learning about each other, and growing in personal and relational development.

By focusing on values in your communication, you create a partnership rooted in mutual respect and understanding.

Values are key to enhancing communication and connection in relationships. By identifying and incorporating shared values into your relationship, you build a foundation of trust and understanding that can withstand challenges. Embrace your values and use them to deepen your connection and strengthen your partnership.

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