How Truth became one of my Core Values.

Until my mid-40s, I was incredibly sensitive and insecure. One of my most predominant memories from childhood is feeling anxious that I didn’t know what was coming next - not always because it was something bad, but the constant sense of the fear of the unknown had developed quite early on for me.

When you think of childhood stories you might notice some that come up often. For me, it was the story that my father had stock phrases that he’d repeat whenever I asked where we were going, what we were doing, why we had to go…and one of those was ““Because I said so”.

I don’t know why he didn’t want to explain - I put it down to his own traumas. But what I do remember is that incredible feeling of a lack of security. I hated not knowing.

It followed me into adulthood - at work and at home. I always wanted to know what was going on or happening next. Especially when plans changed. I still do sometimes, and have to consciously decide it’s ok not to know.

Phrases from managers, like ‘Don’t worry about it’, were real triggers.

Add the inevitable lies that come with being human to the mix, and well…you can imagine. The hyper-vigilance I felt in most of the conversations I had - is this true or not true? How much information am I getting and how much is being kept from me? Can I trust or not?

So when I began my healing, I realised just how much the unknown, lies and deception affected me, and that openness, honesty & truth were incredibly valuable to me.

I know, now, that some of my values are trauma-based, some are life-long traits that could be innate or possibly indirectly from that trauma (constant need to learn) but that some are from my healing.

I like the unknown now. That’s sounds crazy! But healing means I can now see the unknown as the adventure that life is, and should be for all of us.