Bend It, Shape It - How Flexibility Helps
Boundaries: Five
The benefits of boundaries being flexible and adaptable are significant in helping us to foster resilience and build healthier relationships.
A bit like me and this alpaca…
Unlike more immovable boundaries that serve us well, some flexibility or adjustment can allow us to adjust to the people who are important to us, to our changing circumstances and needs, and allow us to respond to life’s ever-changing dynamics with grace and ease. Or at least acceptance and stoicism.
This adaptability is crucial in maintaining relationships, as it allows for growth and change in both parties. We know that it’s realistic and healthy to be flexible, because without those characteristics we become rigid in our behaviour. Rigidity prevents growth when it stops us embarking on new experiences, or new relationships.
Flexible boundaries prevent the buildup of resentment or difficulties in our relationships by allowing us to compromise and show understanding to others. If a family member, friend, colleague or even acquaintance is in real need, we may be prepared to soften one of our (newly-defined) lines, and allow ourselves to be of service to their needs above our own.
This flexibility can be temporary, reverting back to our start position after that need is met. Or an adjustment can be made to take account of a need long-term, for example a long-term family issue, but within new limits that we set for ourselves - ones we feel are a compromise that benefits them but also maintains our control over of what we are prepare commit to, for our own health.
Or it may relate to a particular person / relationship that is difficult - you may soften your boundaries for someone who needs extra care, or you may strengthen your boundaries with someone who is a source of stress or emotional difficulty in your life. Self-awareness in this latter case is important - knowing what you need, when and how will help you set those (possibly) more difficult boundaries.
In this way, we are able to assess situations in their context and adjust our limits without sacrificing our core values or well-being. This fluidity helps us to balance our personal needs with the needs and expectations of others - adaptable boundaries signal a willingness to engage and negotiate, fostering mutual respect and empathy.
Overall, the ability to modify or relax our boundaries as needed leads to greater emotional intelligence, as we become more self-aware, and so a more fulfilling and balanced life.
There are two ways to start working on your boundaries on your own: the Starter Workbook, which focuses on defining what you’d like your boundaries to be, in practical terms, and the Full Workbook, for when you’re ready to do some planning and implementing.
Next: Values - What’s actually important to you?